Weight this am - 179.8 - Holding just barely in the 170's.
Treadmill - 42 minutes at 2.5
Tomorrow is day 1 of week 4. Picture and measurements day.
Took Rowan to Old Town today for a quick job search. Too Quick. Most of the stores were closed today. We'll try again later in the week.
Need to work on memorizing two monologues for an audition on the 8th of September.
Someone in the group was talking about having a reverse body dysmorphic disorder and that kind of resonated with me. My body was the same size for most of my life. So now I don't tend to see how large I am unless I see a photo or a reflection of myself in a full length mirror. Then it's like I am surprised by how wrong that image is in connection with what my image of myself is inside my head.
I can't buy clothes for how I look now because I cannot see in my head myself at this size.
I can't recognize myself because that is not how my face looked for over 40 years. That is not how my body looked for over 40 years. It's bizarre.
I can't wait until I am back inside the flesh that I actually recognize as me.
2 comments:
I love that you wrote about this... I'm absolutely experiencing the same thing myself right now.
It's really difficult, isn't it. It's like a shock or a gut punch every time you see a photo or look in a full length mirror.
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