Sunday Musings

 Weight this am - 156.4

It's up but since I hit a new low two days ago that's not really an issue.   I'm still definitely more queasy this week.   Not sure why.    

Interestingly, I can kind of feel my mental picture resetting.   I had a hard time seeing my size unless it was in a mirror or photo, I knew I was overweight but mentally I couldn't see it as more than my prior overweight...which is the number I am ALMOST down to now.    When I first hit the 30 pounds down I felt so much slimmer than at almost 190.   I could see the difference.      The other night while getting ready it was like my brain reset and I could again see how the 150's on my frame is too much.    It's actually a good thing.   

For so long I really felt like I was trapped in a body that wasn't mine.   And I couldn't actually SEE myself. But now I feel like I can really SEE my body again as it IS.   Like I am inside of something I recognize again.    Now I know that I'm not at all where I am comfortable and healthy, but I can see that again.   I can see where I need to work on things, where I need to tone.   I feel like I have clear vision again, not hidden under a blanket of overweight.    

THIS is the beginning of the journey.   I'm just about back to the start now.   And I'm ready to take it on.