Tuesday, February 26, 2008


What can I say. My daughter with a purpose. Conceived while Mark and I were seperated...we got together one time that entire month to give it one last go and BAM...there you were. Wasn't sure how I felt about the whole thing til I started spotting...red...and got scared. Terrified even. Used up the one U/S the ins company allowed us just to see your teeny beating heart.
I knew you were a girl from the beginning...the female energy was so strong...but yet we were never able to have the gender U/S confirming that. You made me listen to my instincts and trust them. That stood me in good stead during labor when I listened to my body instead of fighting it (or wanting things to be different)
From 5:30am on the 26th to 3:45am on the 27th I labored with you. Your birth was so awe inspiring...I got to help deliver you and hold you close right afterwards for as long as I wanted.
My girl...my 6 year old girl. Growing up so fast.
I love you baby girl.

Jude is Moved

That's right...he is now in a new class as of yesterday. He seems much happier and more relaxed. It's a good thing. Even though I am sure he will face some challenges in this class, at least he has friends. That makes all the difference. Nine is way too young to be so stressed.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Poetry ~ Love ~ 10/00

The scent of love lingers in the air

Between our bodies sparks still fly
Damp and glistening we lie apart yet touching
I feel your eyes caressing me
I breathe your breath
And become more a part of you

Your scent lingers with me
It comes back to haunt me
When we are apart
Moisture flows at the thought of you

We burn the air and shift time
Together we create a new reality
I long to be filled with your life
And gift you with creation

The sum of US is greater than eternity

(In honor of Valentines Day)

Monday, February 11, 2008

School Days

Had Julian's parent/teacher conference today. :/ He is doing fine academically and his teacher felt he was doing better socially (he's been the victim of some bullying) Well...he's not really...it's just that the bullying has become more 'covert'. This is so difficult for me. I had issues myself with being 'unpopular' and was hoping he could avoid that particular joy of school. Apparently not. He is, however, WAY more mature about it than I was and much better able to articulate what is going on. I am highly impressed by both his insight and the fact that he can and does talk to us about what is happening. I don't want to fail that trust. Right now the kids are using words as punches rather than physical violence and the 'ringleader' is trying to tell his other friends (at recess) not to play with Julian anymore. He doesn't feel happy or safe at school anymore and this is just not ok.
I cannot let him down. Especially since he has entrusted us with his feelings and vulnerability. It's HARD to say 'this hurts', 'I'm sad', 'I'm scared', 'Help me'. He has so much courage. I'm in awe. My poor boy :(

Such a big boy

My little munchkin decided to use the potty today...lol. We were outside today giving him some 'air time' b/c he had a case of the 'red bottom blues'. Well the first time I asked him about going potty he actually sat down and pee'd. The cutest part was watching him experiment with 'stop/start/stop/start'. Then he went 2 more times...both times he had a wee 'oops' on the ground and then went to the potty and finished up. I was so impressed. Now having had 2 other kids I know that the bladder control is the main challenge...it's much easier to train solid than liquid if you know what I mean so the fact that he is able to exert control over his bladder and knows what it's all about is very impressive. Still not pushing anything but I am so proud of him. Little man is getting bigger every day

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Poetry ~ Water Roses ~ ?/2000

Petals Fall Outward
From the Heart of the Rose
As Foam-capped Waves
Caress and Shape the Sand-covered Shores
Moonbeams Dance
Across Endless Expances of Water
As They Multiply in Reflection

Soft as a Rose Petal
My Want Brushes Your Soul
Ephemeral Foam Spirits
Caress and Re-shape Each Other
While Love Illuminates
And Multiplies
In the Refraction of the Waters of Your Heart.

For Julian ~ Eyes of Creation ~ ?/2001

I Remember Expectation
Your First Communication
Bubbles of Hope
Tickling the Inside of my Womb

Bubbles Transform into Branches
Tapping, Poking, Pushing Outward
Against the Seal of Flesh
and Muscle that
Holds the World Away

Skin becomes Rock
and Self Disolves in Timeless Eternity
of Pain/Sleep Pain/Sleep
Eons Passing in Another World

The You-Before is Torn Away
At the First Breath of a Miracle

And the Eyes of Creation
Look on you for the First Time.


Spent most of the day outside today...well...to be honest we slept in til like 10/11am simply because Rowan fell back to sleep instead of being 'up for good' at 6:30am. {{believe me though I am NOT complaining...6:30 am is WAAAYYY better than 4:30; which USED to be his wake up time ~ did I mention I am NOT a morning person?}}
But back to the outside. We are finally getting the yard in order again. Yippee. A fenced place for Rowan to run in, as opposed to the carport and front yard where I have to be ever-vigilent of little man's whereabouts so he doesn't head towards the road. {yikes}
I have been feeling like crap all week so it was really nice to feel somewhat better and actually get up and DO something rather than sit in bed feeling like there was a gigantic rubber band slowly being tightened around my forehead. I am not really fond of being ill...can you tell?
Got the Jasmine trimmed back and a chunk taken off the mock-orange. Still need to get down and rip all the Hilahila out (evil week with THORNS! = ouch)
However, we did get the patio power-washed so it's safe for baby feet...yay. Now I can take my laptop and coffee out back in the mornings and enjoy the view :)
I think that's my favorite thing about living here.

Friday, February 8, 2008

Poetry ~ Memories ~ 12/18/90

I look back on summers
long gone
And I remember faces
of those known before
Friends who share a place
in my heart

Sometimes it is good
to look back
To let memories slide
through your mind
Like drops of rain
down a pane of glass

But we must also live
for the moment
Look at each second
as a precious pearl
For this moment really
is all we have

{I will be transferring my poems to my blog with date written where possible...enjoy}

Will you look at that

Apparently Rowan got jealous. He had to prove he could do it too.
This boy has NEVER EVER EVER crashed anywhere.
He falls asleep in my arms rocking or nursing.
Now look at what he did...just cause I posted sleeping pictures of Julian and Arietta.

He had to prove he could do it too.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Art for Sale

So...interestingly enough my artwork...the one thing I DIDN'T take classes in or ever see as a "career"...is selling. I illustrated (and was paid for) a childrens book a friend of mine wrote. It hasn't been published yet but it's on its way there. I think I did some good work here but it was definitely a challenge.

Then a friend of mine just commissioned me to do an art piece for her husband for Valentines Day. As a gift to him. I actually wound up writing a poem as well as designing, drawing and painting this.

I think it turned out pretty nice. :)

It's just bizarre to me to get paid for this...it would be like getting paid to act. I LOVE acting, so much so that I would pay to do it. I love writing poems and gifting them. I love drawing and creating things. SHEESH I even love doing massage and I still have a hard time asking for money for that.

GAH! I need a manager. Someone who can sell and price and negotiate my work FOR me. Oh honey...wanna be my art pimp? ROFL.

WHY is it so hard to put a value on this kind of work. I can calculate how much my time is worth for doing payroll or office management or customer service (even massage...I can figure an hourly rate) But art? Maybe it's because it stems from the heart and soul of who I am. There is a piece of me embedded in there and it's very hard to put a price tag on your soul.



Kids can sleep anywhere apparently...like cats. We knew that about my daughter Arietta from the beginning. I mean if you can fall asleep STANDING UP leaning on a rocking chair...well...that speaks for itself, doesn't it?

My oldest boy though, Julian? He never slept...anywhere.
Apparently though that has changed.
He must be taking lessons from the cats.
I mean really...who else but a cat can sleep like this and make it look COMFORTABLE?

I think I need to take lessons.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Mr Rowan got his HAIR CUT

Before...My Long Haired Imp

After...He's All Grown Up...sniff

Still pretty cute though...eh?

Oh Boy...it's been a while

Um...oops. I've been a bit lax...sigh. ok. Catch up time. Let's see...

I started working part time (yay money but boo time away from family) I'm back doing box office for South Pacific Dinner Theatre (my friend is the producer) and I'm now doing reservations as well. That keeps me a bit busy though so I've been lax at writing.

My New Years was good...Rowan enjoyed toasting everyone.

He was tickled pink to have a glass just his size :)

Arietta has now lost TWO teeth (within days of each other) My little girl is getting all grown up.

Julian is still having some trouble with school. We need to meet with his teacher/councellor to help him not fall into a 'victim' pattern.

I started in on a fitness challenege with the board I post on. It's keeping me on track with exercising...I need the accoutability and this holds me to it and keeps me motivated.

Money is still an issue but we are seeing SOME changes (I hate change...lol) so we shall see what 08 brings.

Resolution-wise? Um. Health, Prosperity, Growth, Love, Laughter, Passion, Understanding, Patience...FUN!!!! That is where I want to be and where I want our family to be. In a space of allowing abundance in...builing foundations so we can fly...finding stability and routine to underpin and support our impulsivity.


It's all a process, right?