I love reading things that make me ponder.
It feels good to churn ideas over and over in my brain...debating the different aspects with myself, thinking it through from different angles...different perspectives. That's right. Make me WORK for it. Which is exactly what my friend Melanie did for me in her blog the other day. She brought up some points about balancing the unconditionality of Love while staying true to oneself. Made me think. So...I probably have her to thank for my little epiphany the other day.
See we were talking...Mark and I about moving to Kauai 10 years ago. And about what we'd do differently if we ever move back. There have been a lot of regrets associated with that. A lot of things we gave up...compromised...felt we should have done differently. A lot of blame and resentment kind of burbling below the surface...waiting.
A friend of mine, Elinor, from my parenting board just moved to Ohio from Hawaii a year ago. We were talking some and she likened living in Hawaii to being in an abusive relationship...you know...you love it/him/her soooo much....it just HAS to work....if I just do THIS it will work...I know it didn't work before but NOW...NOW it WILL. Until you are so beaten down that you finally admit that it just can't work...and then getting out...is almost as much of a struggle as staying.
As all of this was churning in the miasma of my thoughts a realization suddenly surfaced out of the murk and confusion. One of those moments where you just....Stop...and breathe....and say..."Ah yes. Now I understand."
I came to the realization that during our move to Kauai...even though we moved because we love her so...we compromised who we are...in essence...to come here. We did not come here on ethically sound terms...and that does something on a karmic or soul level that destabilizes the whole foundation.
It was in that moment that I saw it. I understood the truth that had been pecking at my mind every since I had read Melanie's blog. That you can love someone or something unconditionally...but real love doesn't mean compromising what makes you WHO YOU ARE....the limits and boundaries that create YOU. You can go through changes...what you LOVE can change...and you will still love it BUT you don't sacrifice what makes you uniquely YOU for love.
Real love does not diminish...real love does not subtract. It does not ask you to take away from yourself. It doesn't ask you not to be loving to yourself. The Love can be unconditional and unchanging but the act of loving needs to be performed in a way that does not take away from who you are.
Now that doesn't mean you don't sacrifice for love. People would give up their lives for their children and that in no way contradicts this...your life is not your essence...there is a part of you that should be inviolable and when you compromise THAT....that's when the love no longer serves you.
This is true for a move...a job...and the love of your life.