Valentine's Day 2009

My heart lies sheltered
in the cradle of your soul

I can be more than I dreamed
through the gift of your love

Entwined with you I touch eternity
and soar.

Entwined with you I am whole
completed
one.

...all tumbling down...

...and the castles built in stone reveal themselves as merely sand
and crumble to the touch
...and the dream we had we thought were gold
tarnish now and rust

...and the hopes we placed in plans we made
have withered on the vine
...and we stand alone and watch the waves
wash clean our foolish pride.

When it stops serving you it's time to let it all go.

That's the place I'm sitting in right now. Did a lot of railing against fate and life and stuff earlier...but you can only sit in despair for so long before it starts getting boring. Really...

I mean I'm sure I'll be doing that a lot more over the next bit of time ...but for now...I sit.

Mark is no longer selling timeshare...not that he sold one...which was the problem. sigh. Of course only getting 15 total tours didn't help the odds any. So now that leaves us...well...kind of in a difficult space. Right now it's feeling like Kauai no longer wants us here...we've worked hard the past 10 years and haven't gotten anywhere stable out here...and I don't need concrete stability...but a balance on the surfboard would be nice. Just one breaker after another keeps rolling us under though.

It's time to fold...time to cut bowstrings...

Unless something real comes to us in the next week or so we make plans to move...

{{it hurts my heart to say that}}

we pack up all our cares and woes and Bye Bye Blackbird man. But I can't do this anymore. I can't put my kids through this anymore. I can live frugal but I can't live on nothing.

Part of me is going to be left behind on this rock if we have to leave though...she holds my heart so.

Right now we are pulling in...regrouping...trying to find our center. But still...I look around the house and try to find the things I can't..no... won't live without. There is very little I need really.

I'm still in a sort of a shock. This is my HOME dammit. and I can't understand why life just doesn't seem to want to work.

Rip out my heart why dontcha...it might hurt less.

Two Roses

For Tatiana & Huberto on their Wedding Day

Two Roses on a Single Vine

Entwined

Soul Petals Brushing

Soft Love Rain-mist Dampens

like Dew

Melting One into the Other

Entwined they are

Completed

Unified

They Bloom Eternally

and Merge

until

Barriers Disolve

in Love

and they are United

In Time

and

Timeless

Poetry ~ Love ~ 10/00

The scent of love lingers in the air

Between our bodies sparks still fly
Damp and glistening we lie apart yet touching
I feel your eyes caressing me
I breathe your breath
And become more a part of you

Your scent lingers with me
It comes back to haunt me
When we are apart
Moisture flows at the thought of you

We burn the air and shift time
Together we create a new reality
I long to be filled with your life
And gift you with creation

The sum of US is greater than eternity

(In honor of Valentines Day)

Poetry ~ Water Roses ~ ?/2000

Petals Fall Outward
From the Heart of the Rose
As Foam-capped Waves
Caress and Shape the Sand-covered Shores
Moonbeams Dance
Across Endless Expances of Water
As They Multiply in Reflection

Soft as a Rose Petal
My Want Brushes Your Soul
Ephemeral Foam Spirits
Caress and Re-shape Each Other
While Love Illuminates
And Multiplies
In the Refraction of the Waters of Your Heart.

For Julian ~ Eyes of Creation ~ ?/2001

I Remember Expectation
Your First Communication
Bubbles of Hope
Tickling the Inside of my Womb

Bubbles Transform into Branches
Tapping, Poking, Pushing Outward
Against the Seal of Flesh
and Muscle that
Holds the World Away

Time
Skin becomes Rock
and Self Disolves in Timeless Eternity
of Pain/Sleep Pain/Sleep
Eons Passing in Another World

Ripping
The You-Before is Torn Away
At the First Breath of a Miracle

And the Eyes of Creation
Look on you for the First Time.

Poetry ~ Memories ~ 12/18/90

I look back on summers
long gone
And I remember faces
of those known before
Friends who share a place
in my heart

Sometimes it is good
to look back
To let memories slide
through your mind
Like drops of rain
down a pane of glass

But we must also live
for the moment
Look at each second
as a precious pearl
For this moment really
is all we have

{I will be transferring my poems to my blog with date written where possible...enjoy}

All Hallow's Eve...Samhain...Hallowe'en

Aaaah Hallowe'en.
A time of mystery and magic...
A time of shadows and moonlight
When the veil between the worlds thins
and only our laughter anchors us to the now.

Samhain
The New Year
Winter's Beginning
Where the Wheel of Life
The Circle; begins it's rotation
With the dying of the land.

A time of Faeries and Masks and Deception
Of treats and tricks
of laughter and screams
A time to glorify and revel in our fears
and perchance
heal them.

My Favorite time.

Somebody please explain to me then why I NEVER seem to have it together enough to truly DO UP Halloween with all the splendor and magic it deserves? Grrrr. Another thing to work on for myself as I face the coming year. ah well...moving on.

This year for Halloween we had some interesting firsts. My oldest for the first time requested a gory and scary costume. We've been through ninjas and dragons and spiderman etc...but this year my sweet, gentle boy wanted to be a cloaked and hooded figure with a glowing white screaming face dripping and oozing blood. A thing to make a mother proud. My dd was not a princess!!! (gasp) She chose a 'dark empress' costume and looked like an evil faerie queen. And my little guy was a crab...lol...a crab that hated it's head. His first was in learning how to trick or treat. He learned to walk up to someone, say "HAND", receive a candy and place it in his pumpkin. Too Cute. Mark and I also went against nature and were prep school sweethearts for Halloween. Anyone who knows us understands the joke. (For those that don't let me just say that we are the antithesis of that there costume)
Also a first we had another adult with us for Halloween. Thom (Rowan's godfather) came along as a rather gorgeous pirate. Too bad he's gay...too bad for the ladies I mean cause he is HOT and just the sweetest man on earth. (Yes my husband knows I think that) Thom actually gave me my greatest complement...he commented on my outfit as being so cute it was naughty in a bizarre twisted way and that he never noticed til now that I have a great ass. When a gay man praises your ass...this is a good thing. right?

ANYway...
Here are the costumes: