All The Things I Thought I'd Figured Out...

My dear, darling, friend Elizabeth thinks I need to teach.   

Yes...Me

Yes...Teach

And not just teach anything (although she'd be very happy with that)...but specifically acting (although Shakespeare WAS mentioned as well).   

There is a problem with this...the problem being I want to BE acting not TEACH acting. 

 "Well...why not coach then?"   

Um....hmmm...

"You could coach people in memorization...and cold readings....and auditions"

Um...well...

OKAY........ the thing is..... I could DO that! 
 I could totally see myself doing something like that.  
But how in the hell do you actually get STARTED???   How do you ADVERTIZE something like this and what the heck do you CHARGE?????   

I know how I memorize...I know how to help most people memorize...I know the tricks and the follow-through to anylizing a script.   
I know how to cold-read.   I am (if I do say so myself)  really good at cold readings (ask my directors).    I know how I got that way, and while some of it is finding that magic moment...a LOT of it is technique.    It's learning how to read a scene and make instant choices...learning how to make the lines on a page come alive and about not being afraid to be bold.
I know how to prep an audition piece.   I can help someone narrow choices down to one or 2 good contrasting monologues...help them memorize them...help them prep them for performance.  

These are things I enjoy doing....for myself and for others.  

Now....NOW comes the rub...how do I market something I love?

Don't Stop Believing...

I sit here, having just entered the final year of my 30's, and I wonder.

I wonder where I'm going...and where the time went.
I wonder how I got here...and why I'm not where I thought I'd be
Where did the dreams go?   and the ambition?  
and the me I always thought I'd be
Where is she?

The journey has been a rough one at times...and I think a lot of that is my own doing.    The beginning of my new year seems like the proper time to make the changes happen.   To put into place the things that will help me become the person I expect of myself.

Instead of being unhappy with the changes time creates in what I see...I need to take action to create the changes I WANT to see.    I'm exercising again...and enlisting my daughter as personal terrier...she gets to badger me (one of her strengths) about doing one of my numerous workout DVD's daily.    I'm also walking more...which helps a lot too.  

Instead of feeling like I'm falling behind and failing myself...I need to create a system to stay on track and on top of things.    The next available cash we have goes into getting me a calendar and a financial planning book.   

At least I'm back rehearsing for shows...that part feels right.  

Now to get the rest of me tuned up and in gear...to hold on to that feeling of LIVING rather than marking time...and to keep on believing...in me.

Home Again Home Again Jiggety Jog

Sometimes home is a place you need to go back to to remind yourself of why you left in the first place.

Had a bit of that this past weekend.   We travelled back to Philly for a surprise party for Mark's aunt.   WE got to be the surprise. :)   The party was wonderful...the way peoples faces lit up when they saw Mark again and FINALLY got to meet Arietta and Rowan (yes we HAVE been gone *that* long.)  was priceless.   The food wasn't the healthiest but hey...it's a party...for a large Italian Family...you kinda expect that.

Then Sunday was brilliant.   Went to see Mary Ellen again...one of my dearest friends and ex-sister-in-law.   Was just like we had never been apart.    Mark's sister came with us and his Mom and Stan joined us.   Stan even played with the kids (croquet of all things) and they had a blast.   Then Mommy-Lynn and Stan took us all to Friendly's for Ice Cream/Dinner and then home to watch a Movie.  

I kept thinking to myself that I wouldn't mind moving back towards Philly to be back with all this again.

Then MONDAY...again brilliant.   Hung out with old friends of Mark who are new friends of mine...Jewels in the morning and Jon in the afternoon and their respective children.   AND we got to have an old friend of both of ours Rommy hang out in the afternoon too.   Was just wonderful.

The we were off to dinner at Bibi's...

...
...
... and then it hit me.

The gender-role stereotyping at dinner (women-folk feed their children while the men sit and talk)  

The lack of food diversity (meat, potato, gravy, stuffing,   and one salad with *a* cucumber, *a* tomato, *a* cut carrot and iceberg lettuce)   I think MY children devoured 9/10ths of the cucumber, tomato and carrot too.     The laizze-faire discipline at dinner...let's have the TV ON in the other room while the kids refuse to eat or stay sitting and then reward them with ice cream (mind you I was VERY proud of my 3 who STAYED AT THE TABLE and ATE while this was going on...even the 4 yr old)  

All of this I could handle though...it's not like we would LIVE there and I know Mark will be attentive and not allow them to subtly shunt him into a gender-biased role.

But then it hit me square across the face....out of the mouth of one of the older male relatives came something that made my jaw hit the floor and my brain sieze up.     I was literally floored.    I had thought that racist derogatory terms for someone whose skin happens to have a different hue were a thing of the past (or of isolated pockets of KKK-ville)   But no...apparently people still use language like that to describe (his words)  "those people"

Well let me tell you something Uncle-Racist.   I won't have *MY* children around THOSE People...and by that I mean YOU.     I will not condone such appalling bigotry by remaining in the same house or allowing my children to do so. 

PEOPLE are PEOPLE regardless of hue
But I won't have my children round people like YOU
People who judge by the color of skin
are not people whose company I choose to be in

A very sharp reminder for Mark and I that living a ten hour drive from family might not be such a bad idea after-all.

The Play's the Thing...

     and apparently it's my "thing" again.  

I'm finding my "home" again.   Behind the footlights.   Trying on someone elses skin to see how it fits and feels and how well I can create their reality so that you, the audience, feel it too.    I'm making myself at home here in Cincy.  

Went to audition for the 2010/11 season at the Westwood Community Theatre (The Drama Workshop) for 2 of the 3 plays.   On Golden Pond and Enchanted April.   My goal was to make them remember me...I don't expect to get cast right off the bat but dammit I KNOW I can cold-read with the best of them and I expect to make an impression.   Well...I apparently did.   I've been cast.   In both.   AND the director of Enchanted April asked if I would like to audition for a play she is directing for the Footlighters (another group) Blithe Spirit.  

Um...wow.   Apparently I made one HECK of an impression.

It's good to be back.

Cincinnati WKRP

"But maybe think of me once in a while"

     Growing up I never thought I would live in the land of  "WKRP in Cincinnati".    (and yes I realize I may be dating myself by remembering that show.)

     But we are here...safely ensconced in the eastern portion of the central mid-western U-nited States of America.
Home of the Reds and the Bengals and some pretty damn good music.  

Honestly we gave Kauai a pretty good run.   I wouldn't trade our time there for anything.   I was talking today with some close friends from our time on the 'Island'.   My friend Julian asked how I was enjoying driving without leaning to the right or left (for those not in the know...the road on Kauai is one big U (you can't even drive in circles.)    It kinda left me thinking about how Kauai is like a mobius strip...no matter where you go, there you are, staring deeply into your own eyes.    There is only so long that you can stare into your soul before you become neurotic.    I speak from experience.   

When you come to the island things are wonderful at first...you get 6-9 months to acclimate before everything you ever avoided in life comes barreling at you head first.   And on an island the size of a postage stamp with the energy impact of a large vortex...you escape NOTHING!!!    Turn from the problem and you turn to face it.   Turn again and it's right in front of you.   It stares deeply into your eyes as you feel its breath on the back of your neck.   You either face your demons or they consume you.

After a while though, you do finally come to a space of peace...and that is the point where the island either keeps you or tells you it's time to move on.   Basically...if Kauai is a paradise and you can afford to enjoy all she has to offer...stay.   Otherwise GO!!!! NOW!!!   because if you don't leave then you spend a bit of time in hell.

Don't believe me?   Let me elaborate.   Think of the paradise of Hawaii...the sun, the sand, the beauty...
Now think of being unable to afford to drive your car DOWN the hill to the beach on a hot day because it's a choice between gassing the car up and feeding your child.     Believe me I've lived that and it is hell.  

I've found that it's time to tear my eyes away from inward contemplation and begin to see again the things that exist on the horizon.   To scan out potential  and future and life.    To LIVE again instead of examining the minutia of my soul.

It's all worthy work...but sometimes...

you need to know when to fold them.

....please stand by

I feel a bit like I've been in a holding pattern during the move...and so focused on getting OUT of Hawaii and INTO Ohio that I kinda lost the thread of my writing.

I think I need to jump back in.

I may be stuttery for a bit...and stumble over some words and thoughts...but I'll get back here.

It's a new day dawning afterall.